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The Empowerment Paradox: Is There Such A Thing as Being Too Confident?

I've spent most of my career talking about self-esteem, confidence, and empowerment.

It was (and sometimes still is) the greatest lesson I’m learning as a human.

How to unlearn what was taught to me in childhood (sometimes in my own home), what I gleaned from the media I consumed (so, so many bad examples), and from the social feedback I get as a woman in the world (also so, so many bad examples).

I truly do believe that building our confidence is key to creating a Good Life we love and having the courage and bravery to listen to your own gut and follow your own north star.

But creating confidence doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It doesn’t happen alone. It happens over time.

Surviving some mighty tough moments and learning to bounce back. Learning what you prefer and how to voice that preference.

Lately, I’ve noticed that the public conversation about confidence, specifically the confidence of girls and women has been experiencing a bit of a backlash.

We spend so much time building folks up as young people, telling them they can be anything — especially young girls. Then, when those young girls become confident and capable young women, they begin to get a different message:

“You’re too much.”

“You're arrogant.”

“You should be quiet”

The world really hates a confident woman.

We are filled with such mixed messages about how strong and vocal we are supposed to be. Society may love the IDEA of a confident woman but when we see one in action - we spend an awful lot of time trying to tear them down.

So, I’ll keep this post pretty short and sweet.

The world may not be ready for you to fully shine.


And you don’t have to dim your light for anyone.

One of the best things you can do is develop an inner circle (I call this the “esteem team”) of people who see the real you. Are not threatened by your bigness.

And are there to applaud you when you win and pick you up when you fall.

This doesn’t have to be an army. A few will do. And make sure you are on their team as well. THIS is what confident women do for each other.

There is enough love, well-being, and confidence to go around.

Live your gorgeous Good Life knowing that confidence is about the journey, not the destination. Drown out the naysayers and focus on the relationship you are building with yourself.

This is by far one of the most important relationships you’ll ever be in.

And the next time someone dares to tell you that you are too much.

Remember…that’s their problem - they are likely realizing they are not enough.


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