I’ve spent 30 years talking about confidence.
Talking about self-esteem.
Talking about overcoming the obstacles that keep us from loving ourselves deeply and authentically.
These conversations have taken me from classrooms to boardrooms, often speaking with highly intelligent, deeply driven folks who are all struggling with the same thing – loving yourself can be hard. And it can also feel very unattainable (if you are measuring it against internet standards).
What I mean by that is we often see examples of “self-love” through a haze of gorgeous pictures online – folks often on vacation, seemingly without a care in the world, or working out hard, sweating out our insecurities, or through unabashed accomplishments, celebrating big, public wins.
But the self-love journey I’ve been on looks nothing like this.
It looks like quiet strength through perseverance, and a willingness to step outside of your comfort zone.
It looks like challenging and changing our Dominant Stories – the stories that we tell ourselves about ourselves. Learning to curb the demeaning inner voices that tell you “I’m not good enough” and “my work = my worth.”
But the biggest lesson I’ve learned about showing up and loving myself more and more throughout my life is actually pretty simple.
Self-Love requires consistency.
There is no perfect way to learn to love yourself. The only thing you need to do is show up consistently. So what does that mean?
Well, it means recognizing that your only real job in this life is to learn about who you are. So get curious. You can build a stronger relationship with yourself by applying this curiosity daily. Feeling sad – get curious as to why? Feeling hurt from that interaction at work – explore it. Feeling excited about a daydream you’re having…keep going!
Showing up is a powerful action.
In a world that often glorifies instant gratification and overnight success, it’s easy to overlook the power of small actions and consistent effort. However, by focusing on small changes and consistently implementing them, I’ve seen a positive ripple effect that brings me to love myself more because I KNOW more about myself.
By prioritizing consistency, I’ve been able to turn small actions into habits that help me maintain progress, even during stressful times.
Finding consistency in movement!
When I shifted my focus towards loving and embracing myself from within, and showing up consistently, that meant moving my body on the regular. Not in a punitive way, but in a way that prioritizes my well-being.
It didn’t matter at first the amount of time I was moving, it was just all about my mindset. And breath. And allowing my body to be free. To focus on my strength, not my size. This mindset shift carried incredible results and has manifested now in me moving joyfully multiple days a week—regularly—AND I’ve become that person that moves on vacation – not because I have to but because I CHOOSE to.
That kind of showing up has brought me a stronger self-love mentally and emotionally, too.
Our path to self-love will likely be a lifelong one – so let’s enjoy it!
The commitment to consistency has changed my life.
It gives me a chance—moment to moment—to choose myself.
And if I miss a beat—or betray myself (which still happens)—then I get to do it again.
No one is really keeping score – remember that.