If you are not already doing this, then start today. Right this minute, while you are reading this post. Make this decision. 2010…is all about you. It is about the power within you to envision and define your boundaries, your dreams, your expressions. Yours. Not what someone else says you should do, feel or dream. Scary? Yes. Empowering. YES!

This minute, this hour,this day, this week, this month..this year – it is finally doing for yourself what you’ve always longed to do: finish a degree, learn how to say ‘no’ effectively, take a nap daily.  Because this is the interesting thing: You’ve already taken the first step by identifying what “you’ve” longed to do – what are you waiting for? Someone else to say “go”? The starting gun is – you. 2010 is about not letting the outside world define our inside voice – it’s about listening, speaking up, and taking time for the things that matter most.  Right now.  Dare to share? Let us know your goal – the one you’ve been keeping a secret. 

And next week…Team Jess will share a 2010 goal with you…

First, my parents don’t know that I’m in a relationship. Second, and even worse, they don’t know that the guy I’m dating is from the very religion they despise. I’ve never told my parents, especially my mom, about any relationship I’ve had (this is my second one). Whenever I ask my mom’s opinion about love, she gets angry and accuses me of looking for trouble. Is there any way to get my conservative mom to listen to me? I love my boyfriend, but I love my family, too. If only religion weren’t such a big deal. What should I do?

Submitted by: Shania S. 17, Brunei

Shania, you ask a really difficult question, and it’s one I encounter a lot from girls interested in dating boys from other religions. Religion is a very personal, deep, and private thing among families. So sometimes it’s hard to tell you exactly what kind of decision is going to be right for you. But here’s what I can offer: First, it sounds like you have a communication issue with your mom. You’re not always open with her about your relationships, and she’s not always seeing you as the almost-young adult that you are at 17. So, as best you can, start working on talking to Mom in slow, small, steady doses about your relationships about whom you like, about the decisions you want to make in your life, and about the way you can decide what’s best and right for you. Sometimes we need to dole this information out slowly to our parents and show them, rather than just telling them how you make decisions. The bottom line is: Your parents may never approve of your relationship decisions, even if the boy you’re interested in is of the same religion. So you have to really focus on getting into a relationship that feels right for you. Speak honestly about your conflict with your boyfriend so that your relationship isn’t strained by your family relationship at home. And remember: It may take some time to get your conservative mother to listen to you. She may not be able to listen right away. But, again, I think actions speak louder than words. Make sure you convey that you want to be treated like an adult. And if you want to make decisions that are adult-like, such as getting into a relationship like this, you’ve got to be able to walk your talk all the way through. Your family is really important, and so is your boyfriend. But the most important person I’m worried about right now is you. Just make sure that you’re being honest with the people around you, and that you’re making the best decisions you can make. In the end, Shania, that’s all you can really focus on.