I recently told a boy that I liked him, and now I’m scared to talk to him. What should I do?

Jessica 15, Canada

So, Jess, here’s what I want to know: Are you scared to talk to him because you really like him, or are you scared to talk to him because you’re afraid that maybe he doesn’t like you back? I think you’ve got to walk right into your fear of rejection. And if you like him, talk to him and focus on him as a friend, instead of a crush. I know that might sound like it’s hard to do, but try to focus on who he is on the inside. I gotta tell ya, boys need that and want that just as much as girls do. They don’t always want to be the object of someone’s affection. Sometimes, they want to be a friend and be acknowledged for who they are. So, if you find that your crush on him is prohibiting you from your being able to talk to him, try then to talk to him about things of substance, things you might have in common. If you’re afraid to talk to him because he might reject you, just know this: If a boy told you that he liked you, and then he didn’t talk to you afterward, you’d probably feel pretty crummy yourself. So just make sure you try to act as “normal” as you can around him. I know you feel really vulnerable by putting your heart out there. I hope it works out for you. But, in the end, just remember to treat people the way you want to be treated.
Team Jess

Dear Jess,

There are a couple guys at school whom I like, and there’s also one at church. Some days, I’ll feel like I really only like one, but then the next day, I like the other! How do I decide which one to focus on? Or am I supposed to just “go with the flow?” Is it even okay to like more than one guy at once?

Tiffany,14

Hey Tiffany. It’s completely natural and normal to like more than one person. You’re at that age, where you’re experimenting with what your preferences and tastes are in guys. The most important thing to do though is to make sure that you’re not sending too many mixed messages to those guys, such as liking one boy one day and liking the other the next. That might make the guys feel a little left out in the process. So, enjoy all the crushes that you’re having right now. You don’t have to act on any of them. Just enjoy being friends with them. And, if one of those guys turns out to be a little more special than a friend, that’s even better. But right now, enjoy being 14, and enjoy liking more than one guy. That’s exactly where you’re supposed to be in your life right now.

Blessings Team Jess

I like my best friend’s crush. What should I do?

Submitted by: Confused S. 14, Canada

Dear Confused, back away. Step away from your friend’s crush. This is a tricky area between girlfriends. Even though you have those feelings, I think it can cause some conflict if you make those feelings known to either your friend or her crush. Unfortunately, I think this is a moment where you just have to step back and put your feelings for this person aside for a minute — if this is a friend whom you want to keep. A lot of times girls will feel jealous or threatened by you feeling that way. And the truth is, if that crush if feeling the same way about you, and you for him (or her), then a relationship will happen naturally. You could also choose to tell your best friend that you also like this person, but just be prepared for what that might bring up in your friendship. She may not take that so well. So you decide — if you really, really like the crush, I would say something. If you just kind of think that you too have a crush, keep that to yourself for a little while. Sometimes the greatest things about crushes are that they don’t last for very long. So maybe when she’s ready to crush on another guy you can step in and claim your crush on this one. Just be careful and always remember: At this age, friendships are way more important than boyfriends.

Should I break up with my boyfriend who cheated on me but is going through a hard time?

Submitted by: Lidiana U. 14, FL

That’s a really tough call, because your boyfriend did something pretty disrespectful to you, and you can’t really just let that slide. And even though he may be going through a hard time, cheating in a relationship is dishonest. Just because he’s going through a hard time doesn’t mean he has to take it out on you or your relationship. Then again, people do make mistakes, and things to do happen, and you, Lidiana, have to really get into your gut and figure out if this is a behavior that you think is consistent with your boyfriend or is a one-time mess-up. If you feel like this is a one-time mess-up, I would support you in giving him another chance, but I would really warn you to watch his behavior. Don’t let him start to take advantage of you because he’s going through a hard time. Don’t let him use that as an excuse. You really have to stand your ground. On the other hand, I would also totally support you if you decided: “You know what? This guy broke my heart or destroyed the rules of our relationship by cheating, and I don’t really feel like giving him another chance\” – because, the truth is – you don’t have to. So, get really clear on what you want. Don’t hold on to a bad relationship just because it’s a relationship. Make sure it’s really feeding you. And make sure that you get the respect you do deserve. I think that’s really important for all of us to remember.

I asked my friend out, and he said that he doesn’t want to go out with me because he only sees me as a friend. Why do I always have to be just a friend?

Submitted by: Samantha C. No age given, NY

This one broke my heart, Samantha, because I just had this recently happen to me. I really liked a guy. I thought he liked me – he acted like he really liked me – and we were becoming really good friends, but, in the end, he wasn’t really ready to have a relationship with me. And you know what? It stinks! It hurts, it stings, it’s uncomfortable, and it’s okay to feel all of those feelings of rejection. But then it’s time to look past that, and remember that friends are really important. When you find somebody whom you can really connect with, and click with, it’s really important to have that person in your life, especially if he or she makes you feel good. So, if you feel like there’s a friendship there with him, I would take a little while to get over some of your hurt feelings, or your embarrassment, and then see if you can still become friends – because you never know where those friendships might lead. It may not be right for a relationship right now, but it may be down the road. And with regard to the question, \”Why do I always have to be just a friend?” You know, the truth is, all really good relationships that I’ve had, have started in friendship. They’re rooted, and founded, in really knowing somebody. And while I understand completely and relate to wanting to be desired, and wanting to be liked, and wanting to be wanted, it’s also really important that you have a friendship. Because when all of that excitement wears off of first getting to know somebody, you really want to have things to talk about, and you want to have things in common. And all of that is about being friends. I know it’s hard to hear sometimes, when you’re interested in a guy and he’s not interested in you, but just know: The right person is out there for you, and no matter what, it’s really good to start by being a friend.

I’m really small and all my friends are taller than me. I want to be taller! How can I get rid of my complex? Help!

Submitted by: Marilen, 14, Turkey

Hi, Marilen. Good things come in ALL packages. I know you want to be tall and look like the friends around you, but try not to compare yourself to others. The truth is, you’ll grow to be as tall as you’re supposed to be and the best thing you can do is take care of your body by eating healthy foods, moving your body with play and exercise, enjoying the world and thinking good Feel good in the skin that you’re in as best you can and be thankful for what you’ve got