Dear Jess,

I feel like I am trapped at home cause I cannot get over the way I look if I did not have to work I would never leave my safe nest egg. I am ridiculed at work and everywhere I don’t know what to do anymore I am unmotivated to anything about me and I hate when co-workers call me ugly and laugh at me. I was burned in war and I feel like I suffer everyday cause before I was burned I was beautiful and I was the one laughing at people help me. ~ Michelle

Hi Michelle,

I am truly sorry for your suffering, being a victim of war is hard enough with out others ridiculing you.  You don’t however have to put up with their remarks. I suggest you talk to your HR department about it.  I would also suggest being brave and talking to those making the remarks. My hope is that they are being ignorant and not cruel. If you get the courage to I would share with them your story, as much as you feel comfortable doing and hopefully when they sees the emotion behind the scars they won’t find it desirable to poke fun of. You don’t deserve to feel uncomfortable at work. You ARE still beautiful. There are so many fabulous things about you that run deeper than your burns. Be confident in who you are inside and out!  You were put on this earth with a purpose and hiding at home in fear of what others think will not help you fulfill your purpose.  You are special and unique once you believe it others will too.  There is another great Actionist® I would love you to check out her name is Kelly Falardeau, she is a burn victim who has overcome her circumstances just like you will!

Team Jess

Hi Jess,

I have a question. I want guys to notice me but it’s kinda hard cause they just think of me as the fat, mean shy girl which I’m not. I love to do crazy stuff, how do I get that message out? I dress like a girl and stuff and I’m pretty quiet in class so if you can, please help. Kate

Hi Kate,  I can totally understand wanting to be noticed and liked by others.  Why do you say people think of you as the mean, shy girl?  Do you walk around with a smile on your face or do you hide your face toward the ground?  To have friends you have to be a friend.  So make sure you are showing people who you really are inside.  Smile to others and start up conversations about the last fun thing you did.  People are always drawn to others who are being real and authentic, so make sure you are showing people the real Kate!  I promise the right guy will like you and you won’t have to “get his attention” cause you will already have it.

Team Jess

Dear Jess,

I’m 15, 5′3, and 165 pounds. I’ve been chubby my entire life, so on some days I could be absolutely fine with my body or picking out flaws to no end. I’ve been thinking on and off about losing weight, but I feel like I’m a tad too young and still have some more growing to do to try that now. I need your advice because I don’t know what to do with my body.

The best way to become healthy is the old fashioned way – hard work, dedication, commitment, and PATIENCE. Diets don’t work. I repeat – diets don’t work. They only set us up for shame and guilt. Instead of crash-dieting, try coming up with healthy habits that you can actually sustain. Ask your doctor for help. Nutritionists are sometimes on-staff at doctors’ offices, and can help you come up with a lifestyle plan that will help you become a healthy person who doesn’t have to worry about her weight. Since you are 15, I would advise you to consult your parents and a doctor about what is really the right weight for you — sometimes our genes make us have different body shapes and sizes — so you may consider yourself ‘chubby’ compared to someone else but in actuality you may be at a good weight for your genetic history. Some other questions to think about, too: Why are you losing weight? Is it to be healthy or to be thin? Do you think your life will be so much better once you lose weight? Why? After all, weight is just a number on a scale. Really sit down and think about these questions.  And, remember: losing weight isn’t just about food and exercise. It’s about taking a step back and really thinking about your goals. Make them realistic – and make them doable. Start small and build yourself up.

Blessings Team Jess

I had the blessing and pleasure to be in Canada last month for the G(irls) 20 Summit and was beyond bowled over by the power and vision of the young women in attendance.

I was there to kick off the Dove Movement for Self-Esteem and what better backdrop than a gathering of smart, vibrant young women who are all committed to creating a world where girls can reach their full potential!  I wanted you to meet our delegate from the US – Ms. July Lee. She is working diligently to spread the message of the G(irls) 20 Summit so please get involved and lend your Actionist® voices to the cause!

Here’s what July had to say about being the US Delegate at the Summit:

To be chosen to represent the US from hundreds of applicants and to have the opportunity to be the voice for girls and women around the world was honoring, inspiring and empowering. Modeled after the G20 summit, the first ever G(irls)20 summit in Toronto, Canada brought together one girl from each of the G20 member countries plus an extra seat allotted to the African Union. The G(irls)20 summit focused on the United Nation Millennium Development goals and on issues that disproportionately affect girls and women around the world: education, child and maternal health, and economic opportunity. As delegates, we came up with a set of recommendations in the form of a communiqué that was presented to the G20 leaders to urge them to take specific actions. Our ultimate goal was to bring to the attention of world leaders the economic prowess of girls and women and to ensure that our voices were heard in the global conversation. Before each delegate returned to their home countries, we collectively agreed to work under the umbrella of education and further projects related to education in our communities.

As the ambassador for the U.S., it is my mission to continue the movement and I am currently seeking ways to spread the word through media outlets, grassroots events, talks, and organizations. If there is any such opportunity, please contact me at julyleec@gmail.com. To keep track of my progress and my ambassadorial work in the US, please visit my blog at http://july.girlsandwomen.com. Visit www.girlsandwomen.com for more information and sign up to get your personal number to represent one of the 3.3 billion girls and women around the world.  Take a stand on these issues and be a voice for change!

Dear Jess,

My friend likes this boy and she got me to ask him out for her but he said no.  Now my friend is really depressed that the boy doesn’t like her back – what can I do to cheer her up?

Katie

Okay Katie, it’s Girl Power time. This is definitely where good friends come into play. Cheer her up by doing anything that you guys like to do together, whether it’s slumber parties, going to movies, ordering her favorite pizza, etc. Spend a lot of time with her, and help her get her mind off of it. Remember that boys will come and go but it’s our friendships that really matter. Remind her that she’s strong because she took a risk and expressed herself. I know rejection stinks and I can’t say that it will ever get any better, but creating great bonds of friendship is most important. Tell her from me, the right guy will notice her one day and it won’t be this hard or this painful.

Team Jess

These questions are intended to help create a conversation amongst viewers of HUGE. There are no right or wrong answers. Just some things to think about…

1. Amber and her friend seem to like the same guy. When that happens should one friend back down or is it Ok to admit that you both like the same person?
Why is it that girls always seem to fight over guys?

2. Telling someone they smell can be a difficult conversation to have. Why do you think Alistair is uncomfortable taking showers with his bunk mates? How do you think George handled telling him the news about showering? Have you ever had to give someone a delicate message like this? How have you handled it?

3.  Dr. Rand seems to be hiding a lot of secrets. What do you think happened between her and James, the director of the Tennis camp? Do you think Dr. Rand has a lot of self-confidence? Or do you think she struggles with it just like the rest of the campers?

4. Why do you think Will began to take over Becca’s idea of ‘Larping’? Have you ever had an outspoken friend like Will? Have you ever felt like your friend is taking over your ideas? Have you ever spoken up about it?

5. Will runs into her nemesis from school in the woods. How did you feel when the kids from Tennis camp began making fat jokes at Will and her friends? Did it give you some insight into the teasing Will has to put up with at her school?

6. Why do you think the campers eventually enjoyed ‘Larping’ so much? Is it fun to fantasize about being someone different? Do you think that sometimes we believe our lives will be different (or better) once we lose weight? Is that true (or not true)?

7. Do you think Amber cares too much about being liked by boys? Why do you think some girls care so much about what boys think of them? Where else could they get their confidence and self-worth?

8. Why do you think Shea yells all the time? What do you think happened last summer with her other assistant coach? Is George doing a good job as a coach or is he too involved with the campers (especially Amber)?

9. Becca really learns how to speak up and use her voice. How did you feel when Becca was the one to defend the campers in the forest? Is it hard for you to speak up when you are feeling stepped on or ignored?

10. The campfire story that Dr. Rand told was about surrendering. What do you think she was referring to – surrendering to what? Do you think it’s important to let go of the things we fight against (including our weight) in order to find some peace and then take some action? Why do you think Will refused to surrender (and put the paper in her pocket)?

11. Living Huge is defined as living a healthy life – emotionally, physically, and mentally. Was Becca’s speaking up a great way to emotionally live huge? How are you seeing each of the characters beginning to Live Huge?

12.  As you watch these episodes of “Huge” are you finding that you are focusing less on the actual weight or body size of these characters and more on their stories, problems, crushes, and triumphs?

Jess Weiner is an author, self-esteem expert and lives a HUGE life by helping girls around the world feel more confident!