Every time I look in the mirror I can’t help but hate what I see. I constantly feel like I need to lose weight. I used to be a dancer and before a show I wouldn’t eat at all a week before. Since I quit last year I feel like there is no activity in my life. I am 5′4 and 110 pounds but you wouldn’t think so if you saw me. I have been struggling to lose weight since I was 12. I can’t even say me weight is my only problem because I am constantly at war with my hair. Because of excessive straightening it has totally thinned out! I don’t know how to make it thicker the way it used to be. And it doesn’t help that there are no hair care products for my hair texture. It’s really soft and curly (but wild unruly curls) but no matter what you do to it , by the end of the day it’s a bush!
Jess I really need a way to love myself the way I am. I just want peace and quiet in my head and no hateful thoughts for myself. Please help me. – Amina
Dear Amina:
We all have days where we wish that we could change our appearance, but, deep down, we all also should have a place where we know how beautiful we truly are! It can be hard to break a cycle when we have convinced ourselves that we aren’t, but, believe me, it is worth the effort. I wonder if your angst right now is also because you have quit dancing and regardless of whether that was the ‘right’ decision for you or not – it is about how we get defined in this life. and we hold on to those definitions and can feel depressed, anxious, and scared when we don’t have our old roles that we used to play.
5′4″ and 110 pounds is a healthy weight (not eating for a week before a show is not healthy). If you are trying to loose weight you need to ask yourself why? Is it to be healthy or to be thin? Do you think your life will be so much better once you lose weight? Why? After all, weight is just a number on a scale. Really sit down and think about these questions. And, remember: losing weight isn’t just about food and exercise. It’s about taking a step back and really thinking about your goals. Make them realistic – and make them doable. Start small and build yourself up. And, most important of all: Do not put your life on hold in the meantime!
Start by standing in front of the mirror and really seeing who you are. Look at every inch of your body, and find the parts you are most pleased with. It could be your eyes, your smile, your ankles, anything you like! Then, every day, remind yourself that you are beautiful in three distinct ways. Focusing on your inner beauty (how you care for others, how you work to protect your friends/ family’s feelings) is great way to feel truly special and unique. Remember: real beauty comes from within, and confidence is a really great way to bring it out. It might not happen quickly, but you will definitely start to notice a change soon! And PS – I have unruly curls and I just tried the Brazilian hair treatment that doesn’t straighten but rather coats your hair with protein and I am really happy with my curls now – less frizzy – more defined.
Blessings, Team Jess
