I’m not very pretty or attractive. I’m not allowed to wear short tops or short skirts–so how do I get a boyfriend? Please tell me what to do. I feel like almost all of my classmates are good looking, and I’m the only one who looks just okay. I really want some nice guy to notice me.
Submitted by: Amber, 14, United Arab Emirates
Well, Amber, I know that you want some nice guy to “notice” you, but I want a nice guy to notice you because you are an amazing human being, and not because you’re wearing short tops or short skirts. Don’t get sucked into the cultural ideal that a girl is only worth what she wears, or what she weighs, or what she looks like–-that’s not how you really get a boyfriend. How you really get a boyfriend, and have a meaningful relationship, is by being interested in things. Are you interested in politics, or sports, or English, or plays, or swimming? What are you most interested in? That’s where you find friendships, and then friendships grow into relationships. I know you want boys to think you are pretty. I know girls at your age all over the world want boys to think that they are pretty. But, the truth is, if you don’t think you’re pretty and attractive, who is going to think that you are pretty and attractive? You have to believe it, you have to live it, and then/i> you will attract those relationships to you. But, please, please, please don’t go wearing provocative clothing or behaving in ways that aren’t appropriate just to get somebody to notice you. You don’t need to compare yourself to your friends. You need to be the best version of you, that you can be, Amber, and I promise you, somebody special will come into your life.
Amber, you have plenty of time for boys to notice you! Trust me, right now you should be figuring out what you want in life. Think about school and hanging out with your friends. Dating at your age isn’t all its cracked up to be, in fact its more trouble than its worth. I wish I had paid more attention to my studies and worried less about boys. You are beautiful and wonderful because you are you! Be yourself and know and trust who you are and everything else will start to fall into place. As long as you are happy being you, then the “real” people in your life both male and female will show themselves to you. But don’t go out of your way to impress someone, impress yourself and others will be impressed with you.
Thanks Lacey, great advice!!!
Amber, a lot of girls your age think that happiness is found in having a boyfriend. If you feel like you need to dress in immodest clothing to attract a boyfriend, you will probably end up with the wrong kind of boyfriend. There are quite a few girls that I work with that think that any boyfriend is better than none… even if they don’t even like the boyfriend they have. They aren’t happy with their boyfriend and they don’t think they will be happy without him.
The consistent thing there is… not being happy.
As the comments by LACEY, say… now is a time for you to find out who you really are. When you who you are and what you are passionate about, people will be attracted to you.